My Mask

Calm is a sensation I rarely display, let alone feel. On the rare occasion where my outside appearance is collected, often my insides are screaming deafening curses in my ears

"Why even bother to believe in yourself? You stand and fight like a pathetic lamb trying to delay your inevitable slaughter. I give it seconds before the seemingly impregnable cracks expand into bottomless canyons of doubt"

While my mind and conscience wrestle, I will myself to remain calm. I try everything, anxious thoughts filling my head, quivering my lip, peeling my calm mask away

And then you arrive. Knocking on my daydream door with perfect timing once again. The violent waves crashing against the fragile walls of my being settle into calmer waters. I picture us moving gently on a lake, alone and happy. For a moment, the soothing sensation releases my bluff and I am actually displaying the emotion I feel around your beautiful smiling face

"Let's stay here, alone and free; we can be wherever you want to be. If you want to climb the highest mountain or swim the widest river we can"

The cold grip of reality yanks me from our meetings in my daydreams, however calm I may be when our spirits meet, the moment you disappear I get momentarily transported to that chilling March morning, where all the pain and suffering inside me exploded, crippling my spirit with the constant anxiety of your loss.

Then after my brief flashback I find myself back in to the present. Where my calm mask slips from my face and shatters into an uncountable amount of anxious pieces