Now do I realise

Only now have I realised that I no longer care if the things I say are right or wrong; only that they are the truth.

In my isolation from the comfortable world I have known, I've reconnected with the spirit laying inside me that I've battered and hurt in bouts of self-deprecation, bottomless bottles of false empty promises and believing the evil little voice that is so believable when times turn doubtful or bleak.

"He always knows what to say, how to kick my spirit while it lays defeated on the ground. Words like trust and calm are replaced by doubt and panic, the blue calm overpowered by red and green, anger and envy so powerful that he takes over from the inside out"

But now I've reconnected with that battered corner of myself I have driven him away. I have healed like the transformation of a ship being terrorised in the eye of a storm into water as smooth as glass.

Now do I realise that with the evil me driven away from inside, all the thoughts of self-hat have vanished, and have been replaced by thoughts of only love for myself, for others, for the entire world.

"Now my mind is clear, and my physical self is ready and able, I wish to bridge the gap between my physical and metaphysical self and explore unity across all planes. I journey into the unknown, looking for something which takes a form I do not know, but will recognise instantly when I encounter it. Along this journey I will pick up broken pieces of myself and venture forward, awaiting completion."

And when I complete my inner voyage, I will wait for you. I will wait hours, weeks on end in silence, ever present.
I will wait because you are the last piece I need to mend this broken spirit