Out

I don't think you'll ever understand why we cannot be "just friends" I either want you in my life as all mine and nobody else's or not in my life at all. You're so god at making me jealous when I'm certain that the last thing on your mind is me. Or maybe its with every tiny snippet of remembering you I feel like a useless piece of work for throwing what we had away. Now I've reached the stage where I'm glad with how much we've changed; the fact that we will never again unite because we've drifted so far apart is almost a cold comfort because it means that I will never have you as mine again, which is all I deserve. If you're out there, out making something of yourself, out with a new man who will tell you I was a liar, I never want to know. That's why I need you out of my ife

Semicolon

"A semicolon is a powerful symbol used when an author could have ended the sentence, but they chose not to"

What a powerful symbol - one that holds such significance with myself and many others that I know and love.
Speaking from experience, knowing that the choice to finish my sentence; the fact that the opportunity presented itself to me resonates throughout my being.
I have lost before and the chance to stop, end it all with a period. But I have an unfinished list of things to do, experiences to live and beautiful lips to kiss before my time arrives.
Until then, you play a role in my life similar to that of a semicolon - I could choose to stop without you; but your smile reminds me to keep going;

Wasted Time

There comes a point where I must draw a line in the sand and just stop bothering to waste my time. The people who want me in their lives will seek me out, chase me down, will want me around

Its easy for someone to say the words "whenever you're around" and leave it there; so they can sweep you under the rug and resume their lives, where you clearly do not play a part. If someone really wanted you around they would invite you, chase you, even make their invitations open and vulnerable for rejection. They are the people who are worth it, they are the people who you should keep in your life

"Do not cross an ocean for someone who would not cross a puddle for you"

The hardest part is, there are people who you want to cross an ocean for you, but you know they never will; you should tell yourself to let them go, rid yourself of them and move forward. Yet you still give them infinite last chances as they keep you on the hook as a last resort, hoping that this time will be different, that they've changed; that it will work out in the end.

"And whilst crossing that ocean for you the suffering began, never to end. Each stroke you take drains your hope, your energy, until you need a lifeline that only one person can throw you. Water wells in your eyes, fills your lungs and sucks you under. As life evades you, you stare at the surface, hoping for the tragedy of just missing the rescue boat. But above remains calm - unnoticed, the tide pulls you below, never to be seen or missed by the person you would drown for"

Shipwreck

There will be a time when you realise that all the selfish, unkind people in the world you chose ahead of me will stick to their inconsiderate, hurtful ways, while I remain loyal, kind and gentle
The worst part about it is though, by the time you realise I was the right choice you will have missed your chance. Even someone as infatuated as myself understands that once a ship sinks to the bottom of the sea, it remains, never to rise again

My Heart

The chambers of the heart control us in so many strange ways. Weather I'm nervous, excited, overjoyed or petrified I feel the emotion bubble in my chest. But when you are on my mind I lose control;
Whenever I see someone drink coffee I think of the way you order, stir and drink your very own cup
Whenever I travel past a park bench I think of how I long to be back beside you, seated, transfixed by everything you do.
Even my gravest fear reminds me of you, and for a fraction of an instant I smile before flinching in fear when a bird enters my vision.
My heart longs for you s much that it is controlling everything I am. Soon I will end up on your doorstep, against my mind's will but following my heart.
My heart is yours, until you break it

Us

It pains me to think about how incredibly close I can try and get to "you" and "I" becoming "Us." Individually, I am a decent person, broken in parts but my heart is loyal and in the right place. My mind is a mess, random thoughts and memories dashed with painful emotions shape my chains of thought, and shape who I am as a person. You are amazing already; every little thing about you affects me in such a way that breath escapes my lungs, your presence lifts me above who I am.

But we never made it to Us. I don't think we ever will. Stolen kisses on an alcohol-stained hardwood floor may be the closest we come, however having a person like you in my life as a friend is the warming heartbeat of a sultry fireplace in a comfortable home. As much as I want to strike flame, I know from my past that I will burn the house down - which is fine. I can lose all my possessions and rebuild myself slowly.

What will hurt is sifting through the ashes, through our ruin. Grasping at charred memories of the hours we spent, laughing, sharing silent words and gazing into each other's eyes as if we were magic. That fear grips me because I will be left wondering about you, if you are happy and safe; hoping in awe of you, and if you remember me, or Us

The Stars

Its a strange feeling I get inside me when I unexpectedly see your beautiful smile; I feel fireworks tingle at the base of my spine, my lips burn like wildfire and my heart longs for nothing more than your company. To just be in the same space with you, to share a greeting hug that collects all the shattered fragments of my spirit and sticks them together for the shortest of moments.
Or to lay under the stars in the freezing cold grass during winter; feeling the frost form around our bodies during the early hours of the morning, talking, gazing. To just have my spirit share the same space as yours for whatever amount of time; be it 30 seconds or 30 hours.

I want you to know me and my flaws, my dorkiness and my graceless finesse, my past present and future, my triumphs and my despairs. I want you to be able to take one look in my eyes and know instantly if my day was a success or an inevitable failure. I want to have the humbled honour of putting my arms around you, sharing in your warmth, my hands reading your energy and your spirit and knowing how your day unfolded from a single touch. I want to speak without saying a word to you - hold silent conversations, reading the world of thoughts drifting through each others minds, oblivious to the stars in the universe outside